relationships

Finding The Romantic Partner That Is Right For You | Nadia La Russa

How To Be In Love

One of the greatest joys in life is enjoying a healthy, romantic partnership. We, as humans, love to be in love. Finding the perfect romantic partner isn’t always easy, though, despite our ardent desire to do so. Fortunately, today’s digital age provides us with the ability to connect with a multitude of other people. The horizon for our love lives is unlimited.

Here are some tips to help you take control of your love life and find the right person to share your world with.

Learn to Embrace Your Own Greatness

Before you begin your search for another person, you need to treat yourself with love. Think about the things that make you special. Strive to always be your best self. Work to develop a confident attitude that is attractive to potential mates. When you are radiant because you know your worth, others will want to live in that sun. Also, there is no point in not bringing anything other than your best self into a relationship.  Far too often relationships crumble because of our own personal negative feelings of self-worth that we inadvertently put on our partner. Starting out knowing your worth, and embracing the greatness that is YOU will help alleviate the “itty-bitty-shitty-committee” that tends to take a front row seat in our minds.

Cast a Wide Net When You Begin Your Search For a Partner

Open yourself up to those who on the surface appear different from you. Consider folks from all walks of life, various nationalities and even other regions. Far too often we are picky about various insignificant things about potential partners – and while these are ok to have (we need attraction within our relationship!) they can be limiting!  However….

Look For The Spark As You Talk With Potential Suitors

The chemistry of attraction is an important part of finding love. Refuse to settle for a relationship with someone just because it makes sense on paper. You and your mate deserve the “knock out” feeling of great passion. Whether it happens in an instant or takes some time to develop, you need to have it for long-term happiness.

Go On Lots of Dates

When you find someone online or elsewhere, you need to interact with each other in a variety of settings. This allows you to test out your compatibility before you commit. Be sure to also tell those you go out with that you are dating others. Not only is this fair play, but it will make those truly interested in a relationship work hard to win you. It seems these days there is less dating than there used to be – we want exclusivity right off the hop. It’s ok not to commit right away, but once you do commit, commit.

Decide What You Want and What You Will Not Tolerate

Related blog post: Beginner’s Guide to Setting Boundaries

As you get to know the people you date, you will discover things you adore about them and what is not so attractive to you. Make the proverbial list of the traits you MUST have in a romantic partner. If there are deal breaking issues such as having children or practicing a particular religion, do not waste time with those who disagree. Don’t convince yourself that they will change their minds over time. Even if they do, they will likely resent you for it.

Go Slowly When You Find Someone You Believe Will Make a Great Partner

It’s so exciting to be in love at first, isn’t it? Do not let excitement push you into a serious romance too quickly. Enjoy the early stages of discovery as you let affection grow. Hold off on physical intimacy until you know the person is the right one for your life. Having sex early on might confuse your feelings and lead you to believe your connection is deeper than it is in reality. Don’t mesh lives, finances and living arrangements right away – these can be messy to sort out later on if it doesn’t work out.

Seek Out Other People’s View of Your Romance

It is often hard for the people involved to realistically assess a new relationship. Talk to your best, most honest and discerning friends about what they see. A fresh perspective often gives you the clarity you need to make a smart decision. Your choice of whom to share your life with is incredibly important so treat it that way. If you want an even more objective opinion, consider working with a personal coach.

Love comes when you open yourself and work for it. Selecting a romantic partner you will find happiness and fulfillment with is vitally important so you must treat it that way. Construct a well thought out strategy that will guide you to the person who will accompany you in a fantastic life.

Are they “The One”? Get couples counselling. Right Away.

Have you met The One? That’s awesome….until it isn’t. Sooner or later, something is going to come up that you disagree on. If you don’t know how to handle disagreements as a couple, they can explode into massive arguments faster than a hurricane.

It never ceases to amaze me how dentists have the concept of preventative maintenance down pat. No other health care field seems to have a grasp on this like the dental profession.  I believe that the strongest of couples are not afraid to seek a professional counsellor to help them sweat through the small stuff – so it doesn’t become big stuff. It’s a lot harder to fix a major relationship rift than prevent one from the outset.  Plus, it can help work out issues before they boil over into deal breakers.

Whether you’re married, in a relationship or single, take control of your love life with these tips! Have something to add? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below and feel free to share your own tips for how people can take control of their love lives.

The Mind is a Powerful Motivator for Success

A powerful mindset is a valuable asset in your quest for success. The health of your mind and your body are directly connected and have influential power. Do you really believe you can succeed in your work life and relationships? The answer to this question will often be the deciding factor in whether you succeed or fail.

Affirmations

Reciting affirmations is a key method to keeping your mindset powerful. You will need to begin by focusing your goals and positive thoughts and writing them down on a sheet of paper.

Negative Example: “I am terrible at doing my job.”

Positive Example: “I make wise business decisions.”

Spend a short time revising these statements until you think they accurately describe your values and your goals. Reciting these affirmations daily will help you convince your mind they are true.

Perhaps you are thinking, “what is this trickery?” Affirmations are not magic, you are simply tapping into the power that your mind holds over your decisions and pursuits. Conversely, negative affirmations are the natural enemy of wise decisions. Often we speak negative affirmations about ourselves unintentionally. The purpose of creating focused, positive affirmations is to combat the temptation to think negative thoughts.

Positive Thinking

Similar to affirmations, positive thinking is a powerful yet simple tool to help you succeed. Positive thinkers are more adept at trudging through difficulties and failures. Imagine a time you failed at something and reacted with a negative mindset; most likely you didn’t try again. Reacting positively to failures will help you get back up and try again. Once you recognize a failure as a positive stepping stone to your next success, it will be easier to react in a positive manner.

Negative Example: “I failed my latest business presentation, so I must be terrible at public speaking.”

Positive Example: “This new product I created has a fatal flaw, but I know how to fix it and I will create a better product!”

Try to reframe how you approach failure. Combat negative feelings with positive thinking and you will begin to see an improved attitude.

Journaling

Many people benefit from the act of journaling. This could mean you write a log of your day before bed, or maybe you write your plan for the day in the morning. The act of physically writing these words helps release tension built-up during the day. In the morning, it will help get your powerful mindset ready for the day.

Journaling can also be used with positive affirmations. Try writing your positive affirmations in your journal in the morning and write your plan for the day. You will be pleased to find how well your mind will follow your direction.

Mindfulness and Meditation

It is important to create time to recharge and be calm, especially during a stressful week. Recharging can help you think more clearly to make the best decisions possible. Are mindfulness and meditation the same thing? Not really. Mindfulness is the act of “being present” wherever you are; it really is just a focused form of meditation. Practically, this could look like avoiding the temptation to “hurry.” Focus on one task at a time. Don’t worry about the past or future; pay attention to what you are doing at that moment. This can be accomplished anywhere.

As for meditation, this is a dedicated time intended to clear your mind and relax your body. Many people find that they cannot withstand silence for a couple of minutes; this improves with practice. If you give yourself even just one minute each day to meditate and be still you will quickly notice the benefits emerge. Perhaps you find yourself frustrated most days at work feeling frantic about project deadlines. With scheduled meditation, you will notice you become calmer during a stressful situation. Meditation is simple: try taking 1-5 minutes to yourself in the morning. Start by sitting comfortable and tall. Focus on your breath as you inhale and exhale. As you sit calmly and breathe, your thoughts will slow and you will become calm. Meditation takes practice so be gentle with yourself in the beginning stages. Additionally, one way to combine mindfulness and meditation is to focus on a specific affirmation. Speak this affirmation repeatedly during your meditation.

Used diligently, these tips will help you create a powerful mindset and set you up for success in your work life and relationships.

 

If you would like to learn more about creating a powerful mindset, then contact me to find out more about my Take Control Coaching program!

 

Jackhammers and Immigration Officers | Nadia La Russa

Jackhammers and Immigration Officers

Goodbye boys, hello new villa!

Week 5! One week to go! We said goodbye to the boys this week as they ventured home and left us girls to fend for ourselves.  On Tuesday, we had to move to a new villa. Our old villa was familiar an comfortable and I was sad to move, however, they were re-doing the road outside and there was jackhammering. All.Day.Long.

So, I reached out to my host, and luckily, she had another villa that was available. So, we packed up and moved into the new digs!

On Thursday afternoon the boys packed up and headed home, leaving the girls and I to explore the new neighbourhood, do a bit of shopping and making plans for the rest of our time here.

The dynamic is so much different with just us here. We can travel in a normal taxi, it’s quieter, and food is easier. But we do miss our boys! We had a chance to celebrate the twins’ birthday before they left with a delicious banana flour cake.

And then, it was off for some excitement! This week we chose white water rafting – wow was it cool! There is only one river here suitable, and I think it was definitely an “easier” paddle but it was loads of fun!  It took us about 90 minutes to cover the 10km journey, passing by beautiful stonework, caves, and trees.  Definitely an unforgettable day!

 

It hit me on Thursday that the girls and I had been here a month, and that our tourist visa was about to expire. So here is the story you have all been waiting for – Nadia and the Immigration Shenanigan.

I went to the visa renewal office alone, with my passport and the girls’ passports in hand, fully expecting a simple process costing approximately $30.  Little did I know what was in store.

Rewind to arrival day – a blurry eyed Nadia gets instructions from the immigration officer that sound something like “You tourist Visa is good for 30 days, make sure you renew it before it expires” which translates to my exhausted brain as “you have a month to figure this out.”

Not so.

When they said “30 days” what they meant was “30 days, and today is day 1.” And that is NOT the same thing as one month. So, we got here on the 24th. When I arrived at the immigration on the 24th I was two days late to renew. Apparently, this is a big deal. I asked the quickly-becoming-less-and-less friendly counter person “So what do I do now?” and the answer was “You leave the country. Immediately.”

So herein lies the problem.  I had no means to “leave the country immediately” for several reasons, the main one being that I didn’t have my children with me.  I started to protest, which was very quickly met with me getting ushered – and I use that word lightly – into the small, grey room with the table and two chairs that you see on television.  Enter Big Balinese Immigration Dude and Even Bigger Balinese Immigration Dude. Dudes were not pleased.

For the next 10 minutes or so, I was subjected to a very loud and stern talking to about the importance of respecting authority, following process, and removing myself from their land.  It didn’t take much to have me do what any self-respecting, confident woman would do – I burst into tears, and sobbed uncontrollably.

That was their cue. They left the room without a word, and entered a very small, sweet, kind and helpful lady with tissues. Calm Sweet Lady apologized for her mean friends, and suggested that there might be another way to get my visa extended.  It all became clear at that point what has happening.

“Money?” I said. “You want MONEY? Frick, why didn’t you say so. How much do you need?”

And it was done, just like that.  I handed over $500 and all of a sudden I became a respected and esteemed visitor. Not only was I allowed to stay, but now my passports were going to be “fast tracked” through the “speedy system.”  The next day, the girls and I made our way to the central immigration office, and were escorted to the front of the line for photos and fingerprints. Amazingly, our files were already at the office all ready and waiting for us.

Upon further research, I learned that this is a pretty common occurrence. That the intake officers at the airport are intentionally vague about the details and that this good-cop-bad-cop game is a way to line everyone’s pockets. Lesson learned for sure!

Thankfully, its all sorted. As they say, every trip has a story!

Bali Adventures Week 4 – Searching for Treasure and Snorkeling for Shipwrecks

Bali Adventures Week 4 – Searching for Treasure and Snorkeling for Shipwrecks

Another week under our belt! Each week that passes, I’m more and more amazed with this family. We had a friend ask us this week “would you do this again?” and it was really tough to answer.  Brent summed it up perfectly I think.

“This trip has had a lot of firsts. First time travelling this far. First time travelling this long with all 5 of them. First time not working this long. First time being away this long in a place where everything is different.”

With all those firsts, it’s really quite humbling and amazing that we have had this opportunity, but it does leave us spinning quite a bit! I think we have grown closer as a family, and also more independent. I think we have let go of some fears, and tried new things, new food, new ideas.

Here are some of the things we did this week.

Furniture Shopping

Brent and I have had a chance to explore a bit on Scoopy this week. We ventured off to a few cool shops to check out some furniture. Brent is looking for the exact-perfect-piece of wood that will become the centerpiece of our new home: the dining table.

Being parents of 5, when we look into the future, we realize that a table that seats 8 is not suitable. Between there being 7 of us to start, the moment you add in family, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents – there just isn’t anywhere to sit.

Luckily, Bali is home to amazing and talented folks who specialize in teak and suar wood furniture.

The pieces I have seen here are nothing short of absolutely breathtaking.

Now, it’s not like shopping at fancy furniture showrooms at home. Oh no. This is all open air, usually under a tarp or a grass roof, and right in the middle of a workshop.

We stopped in at about half a dozen places, when we came across Kenny’s Furniture. We spotted a teak table from the street, and decided to check out the store.  The salesperson was nice and helpful. When Brent described what we were looking for, she said “Oh, we have some more pieces in the back, would you like to see?”

Weaving through furniture, stepping over various items, and out the back door we went. Following her through a back workshop and through a non-descript entrance, we found out that “the back” actually meant “10,000 square foot storage building, filled wall to wall with beautiful pieces of wood, all covered in dust and cobwebs.”  The pictures don’t do much justice, but I hope you get the idea:

Snorkeling for Shipwrecks

This week brought us far, far, FAR away from our home in Seminyak to the north-east(ish) coast near Tulamben.  This is the site of the Liberty Shipwreck. Back in WWII the Liberty Ship was hit by Japanese torpedos and beached at Tulamben.  Then, in 1963, Mount Agnung erupted, and the eruption and lava caused the ship to slip off the beach and settle about 3 metres underwater on a sand slope.

The ship itself is 130m long, so it slopes down under water to a depth of about 30m all said and done. Since 1963, it has become home to some lovely coral and many, many fish.  It also happens to be the most famous dive site in Bali.

Luckily, because it is so close to the surface, it is also a fantastic snorkel site. So off we went.

Here is what I learned on snorkel day:

  • You just never know what will enthrall your kids. I have taken them zip lining, and to a killer waterpark. Yet, they reported this activity to be the “best one yet”.  I think this is because there is just nothing else like it they have ever seen.
  • You can never properly predict a panic attack. Yep, I had one. A doozy of one. In the ocean. Wearing a snorkel mask. Out of absolutely nowhere, and for no identifiable reason.
  • Go-Pro cameras are freakin’ cool. I have attached some shots from Emerson’s footage for you to enjoy!

So, it started out as a normal day.  We got up as a family, ate breakfast, and met the diving company’s pickup vehicle at the hotel next door.  The company itself was amazing – they provided snorkel equipment, two guides just for our group, lunch, transportation and water.  It was a long ride (see the map – we drove clear across the island!), but the kids did awesome.  I was excited – I had done some snorkeling before, and loved it.

Image courtesy of www.gilibookings.com

 

Ocean Panic Attacks are a Thing

I have no idea what went wrong.  The sea was a little rough, but nothing outrageous.  I’m a confident swimmer, and I have snorkeled before.  We went out as a group of 9, so it wasn’t like I was alone or stranded. But, something just snapped.  I secured my mask and snorkel, and was enjoying the swim toward the wreck. Every so often, I’d pop up and count snorkel tips.  (Yes, but it’s a mom thing!) Then, I’d continue on.

All of a sudden, I felt as though my mouthpiece was gagging me.  My heart started racing and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I lifted my head to the surface, removed my mouthpiece and thought “That was weird.”

And then it got worse. Much, much worse.  I became scared that someone was going to attack me (like, who exactly, would randomly attack ME in the middle of the ocean with a bazillion other divers and snorkelers around?). I was convinced that fish were touching me (they weren’t), and I was absolutely certain that my entire family was in grave danger (No danger. None whatsoever.)

And then, I saw Brent. He came to the surface and said “Are you ok?”  Somehow, those three words brought me back to reality. I was ok. No harm was coming. But I had to get out of the water.

So, I swam back to shore as calmly as I could, and stood on the beach and watched Brent and the kids snorkel.  It ended up being a great day. They swam and played for about 3 hours, then we sleepily drove home.

I’m still a bit baffled at what triggered or caused this in me. I’ve never had it happen before – and I certainly hope it doesn’t happen again, or at the very least, that it happens while I’m on dry land.

Healthin up!

Back on dry land, we ventured to our family favourite spot to eat – a great, healthy place called “Go Fresh Life” that makes beautiful salads and cold pressed juice. It’s such a relief to find a spot that is both healthy and appealing to the kids.

Stay tuned for white water rafting, our big move, and some ink coming next week! We miss everyone back home!

Bali Adventures - Week 2

Bali Adventures – Week 2

Another week! Amazing.  Time is sure flying here.  We have gotten into a pretty good daily routine – we wake up, eat breakfast as a family, hang out at the house until mid-morning, then we venture out for lunch.  Each day we try a different “warung” (which, directly translates to ‘shop’ but we have learned means ‘small café or restaurant’) and sample unique cuisine.

Then, we head to the beach or to whatever activity we have planned, and we reconvene at dinner for a home cooked meal. After supper, someone does the dishes (7 people, 7 days of the week. Coincidence? I think not) and we either do a family movie or we have a family conversation about something important.

It’s been equally nice, and not nice.  Our house is small and cozy, which is great until someone is in a grumpy mood. It sure doesn’t take long for that to spread like wildfire through our little group.  Luckily, we have had some really good conversations to talk through what’s going on. I think we are making headway.

Brent and I decided that we would limit activities to one per week – for a few reasons. First, money. We sure can’t afford to rent jet-skis for 7 people each day. Second, exhaustion factor.  We experienced that we need about two days to properly recover and re-engergize for the next adventure. Third, time – there has been great value in just hanging out.

Our Place

It’s ‘bake’ or ‘not bake’. That is all

The house we rented is exactly what it appeared to be in the photos, however, it’s no secret now that the owner deliberately tried to angle the shots to make the rooms look bigger than they are.  The kitchen is a long galley style that gets really crowded, really quickly.  I have to walk past the sink, fridge and counter to get to the stove. When I’m standing at the stove, I’m directly blocking the main bathroom door, and also the door that leads to Logan’s room. Cooking here has been a challenge at times, particularly trying to bake things.

The decorations are….eclectic to say the least. We have seen many examples of “upcycling” all over the village, and this place is no exception. There is no rhyme or reason to the colour scheme, and yet, I kinda like it.

The house itself is set behind a tall fence, next to a rice field. The grass roof has seen better days, and when it’s raining hard, the water pours into the shared bathroom.

 

This week’s adventure

We asked Komang to take us to Sekumpul waterfalls this week.  We drive up a windy, narrow road that lead into the clouds. I was disappointed in the weather, but on the other side of the mountain, it was like we had entered a whole new world. It was bright, dry and warm.  Another windy drive down the other side of the mountain brought us to the entrance to the waterfall trail.

Many of you know that I’m addicted to hiking, so I was pretty excited. I had read reviews about the waterfalls and how beautiful they were – but I was not at all prepared for the difficulty of the journey, or the awesomeness of the falls.  The trail lead us down over 500 stairs, some of which were no more than a plank of wood stacked on its side. Handrail availability was sketchy at best.  Most of the way down, I was thinking to myself “we eventually have to come back up this mess” and I was aware that both Andria (arthritis) and Camryn (broken femur in June) might have some difficulties.

But, we made it, both down and up, unscathed.  The kids don’t hate me, and for the first time ever, I got to stand under a waterfall.  It was amazing, and humbling.  I absolutely loved it.

This coming week our adventure will take us to Waterbom – the #2 highest rated waterpark in the world. Stay tuned!